I've had conversations with countless people who are scared to voice their desires and interests to their partner because they are scared of how it will be received.
I hold space for people to talk openly with me about whatever it is they're interested in and help them to understand chances are, it's normal.
What IS normal anyway?
Honestly, when it comes to sexuality, love and relationships I don't believe there IS a normal. There are definitely social constructs which make certain things more common or accepted than others BUT, that doesn't mean things that are TABOO or maybe not as openly talked about are weird, wrong, bad or something to be ashamed of.
Whether it's a partner, friend, coaching client or someone on social media simply looking for help or information the main thing I keep in mind when discussing sensitive topics with other is if what they are expressing is SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL. This is some of the ethical framework for BDSM along with Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink. These ethics can and should be applied in any sexucal encounter, not just in the kink community. So as far as sex goes, these slogans are what I personally use to identify if something is normal OR if it's something that could potentially be harmful.
WISDOM - ADVICE - PERSPECTIVE
for SCRAPPING THE SHAME
A person should be able to explore their own body without judgment or shame.
We support our partners in their career and fitness endeavors, why should sex be any different?
In the words of Emily Nagoski "Don't YUCK someone's YUM" Instead, ask yourself if it is SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL! While you are processing your thoughts and judgements try and remain neutral and CURIOUS rather than CRITICAL of what the person is sharing with you. Asking questions and keeping an open mind when someone is sharing with you can really change the outcome of a conversation.
Remember, just because you don't agree or share the same interest doesn't mean what the person is sharing with you is weird, wrong, bad or something to be ashamed of.
To my future partner(s)
I will respect the things that bring you pleasure.
I will not judge you based on what you enjoy.
I will take the time to learn how to please you.
As Emily Morse says "Communication is lubrication"
Be a safe space for the naked human standing in front of you. Encourage them to explore and enjoy the experience they are so vulnerably willing to share with you.